A Love Unconfessed

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As I lay in bed with him, all I could think about was her. Her smile for which I fell for, the way her eyes twitched when she smiled, Oh God I miss her. I miss her beside me, I miss her touch, her hands around me, well, the list goes on… my point is I miss everything about her.

I still remember the day I met her. Like every other day, I was boarding my train to my college. Surprisingly, this girl got my eyes. I felt like I knew this one for her face looked familiar. She was sitting right opposite me making faces at a little girl nearby. But to her disappointment, the girl just stared at her with her wide eyes in surprise, but this girl seemed like someone who doesn’t give up on things that easily. I lost track of them when people started entering the train. After some time when it was time for me to get down, I saw this girl holding that little girl smiling back at her. She was giving back the baby to her mother. We got out of the train as the baby waved her little hands back at her.

I was surprised that I never noticed her before. It didn’t take much time for me to find out that she goes to the same college as mine but a different department. From then seeing her daily on the train became some kind of a hobby to me. Even when I hesitated to talk to her initially, it only took a ‘hello‘ to get to know her. Within a few weeks, we became friends, very best friends. We started to go to college together. We hung out almost every day at any time. Slowly, we planned to move in together as the fees went heavy and we needed someplace close to our college where we could find a part-time job for us as well.

It was a surprise for an introvert like me to get this close to a stranger I met yesterday. I never had a best friend before. When I used to read about the BFF goals on Pinterest or any other social media I would just stare at the post in surprise and sadness for I never had someone like that before. I always wondered how it would feel like to have someone like that. But now it was different I knew how it felt. I was happy.

As time passed, I realized I was being possessive of her. I wanted her time all to myself. It got worse when she surprised that night at dinner with a stranger she introduced as her boyfriend. I didn’t know why I felt this much anger towards him. ‘Cause he was a nice guy but I couldn’t stand the idea that they were together. I tried to break their relationship million times but their bond seemed strong. Slowly, the time we spend together started to decrease. I was depressed all the time. One day she noticed my sadness and asked me to talk to her.

“I have been noticing since Adam’s arrival. What is it? Tell me. Don’t you like him?”

“I don’t know Archie… Adam is a nice guy… but I feel like we don’t get to spend much time together now. I feel like we are moving apart. I am scared that… I might lose you.” I told her the truth.

“You dear Roni, you overthink a lot, my dear. You are not gonna lose me, you silly.” She kissed me on my cheek. I felt a strange current inside me. I always knew but I wasn’t sure till then, she continued, “you know I love you right?”

“Then stay with me today for this night.”

“Whatever for you love.”

We spent that night watching Netflix together like we always do. It turned out I woke up on her lap in the morning hugging her close to me.

I never have been with someone like that before. She was so special to me somehow she turned out to be someone I love. A love I could never confess. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me but I was scared I might lose the only person who ever loved me. Even when she asked me to be her maid of honor, I smiled and said, ‘Anything for you my love.’

Today as she said ‘yes‘ to Adam at that alter, I could see how happy she was. I stared at the girl I loved as she walked down the aisle to be someone else’s forever. She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

Tonight I wanted to forget everything about her. I guess I was too drunk. I said yes to the ‘best man’ who asked me out and ended up in his bed thinking of her.

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