Memories

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I was in love with the most amazing guy in the world, but I messed up. Well, what should I expect after hurting him? I kept the phone aside and sighed on seeing his two-years-ago uploaded Facebook profile picture. Memories started to rush in from the first day I met him to the last goodbye we shared. I remember the goodbye so clearly, I wanted to pull him closer and cry, begging him to stay, but I knew leaving him was better for both of us. 

He might be thinking about how love broke him, but it wasn’t love that broke him; it was me. I wanted to go back and apologize but, it was too late for me because I died that night! Yes, you heard it right. I am dead. I am back here on earth to make him believe in love again. That’s my punishment for what I have done to an innocent man before I enter the purgatory. If I fail, I will be sent back to Hell, which wasn’t fun for the first time. So, I must fix his broken heart. 

I found the best vessel to inhabit to make him fall in love again. She was beautiful and smart, just the type of Abel. I was not supposed to manipulate him into falling in love. It should be true from both sides. I could only create situations for them to meet and interact, but nothing in between. Since I decided to be a good girl, I told my vessel before possessing her because I didn’t want to go back to Hell again at any cost. Well, I couldn’t tell her the whole story, I just told her I needed her help to finish some unfinished business down here, and surprisingly, she agreed even though it scared her a lot at the very beginning. 

Oh, I forgot to mention I had two weeks to make him believe in love again. 

Emily was the kindest soul I met here, which made her perfect for Abel. Even when my goal was to make them fall in love with each other, my heart ached, knowing he would love someone else other than me. I would make small visits to places where Abel often came to make Emily a familiar face in the crowd. It was not that difficult because I knew Abel had a crush on Emily when we were in high school. Yeah, fine, I gulped some old information. I am sorry. Emily, Abel, and I used to go to high school together. Back then, we were best of friends, me, and Abel. So, I knew all his dark secrets. I don’t think you should blame me for this. I have only two weeks to make him fall in love again. Who would be perfect than Emily?

Past stories apart, let these love birds meet and fall in love again (without my manipulation). I knew my attempts succeeded when I saw Abel walking towards Emily with a confused face. 

“Emily?”

“Yes, and you are…?” Their eyes locked for a moment, she caught her breath and continued, “Abel? Oh, Abel, What a surprise? How long has this been?”

“Seven years, you haven’t changed a bit.”

“Well, You changed a lot, look at you.” They caught up with everything about their past life over tea.

“How is Felicia?”

I noticed his face change for a bit when she asked him about me; somehow, he pulled his tears together and said, “She died in an accident a few months ago.”

“I am sorry I haven’t heard about you two after graduation. I am so sorry, Abel.”

 (You guys might be wondering whether she is lying or not about not knowing my death. The truth is she doesn’t because I lied about who I was when I asked her permission to possess her body. Let me fill in between if I left any information unsaid)

Well, I haven’t been honest, but my goal is to make him believe in love so that they would send me to purgatory rather than Hell, so why can’t I play a little bit?

This became a habit for them to meet every evening and talk over a cup of tea. I could see that Emily was totally into him, but I couldn’t understand what was going inside his head. Back when we were in High School, he would have died to have these moments with her, but now it seemed different. It’s like he doesn’t even care if she likes him back or not. Oh no! That’s not good for me. 

Emily and I would have a random conversation sometimes. I would ask her about herself, her dreams and other stuff. That’s when I came to know that she also liked him back in high school, but she always thought Abel and Felicia was a thing, so she didn’t want to come between them. I tried not to laugh. These “talk over tea” went on for days, and I had only one day left to make him fall in love again. I got despondent. I had to do something. I injected the idea of asking Abel to dinner that night, and she did it. Abel said, Yes, which was a good start.

I had to make her look the best, so with her permission, I took the responsibility of her until she meets him at the restaurant for the date. I searched the whole closet and came up with one of the best gowns. It was a light yellowish knee-length gown with frills and pearls, which made it absolutely stunning. I did give her a makeover for the date, which I hope she would like. Finally, I was ready to let her go for her little date. 

She arrived at the restaurant and found Abel already waiting at the table. As she moved towards him, his eyes lit up, and I knew I had done an excellent job giving her a makeover.

“Wow, Emily… you… eh… you look beautiful.”

She smiled, “Thank you, Abel.”

I thought the job was over. I made Abel go out on a date, will this be enough? I can’t force him to love her. That’s when I noticed Abel was trying to say something to her.

“Emily… I have to say this to you. Back when we were in high school, I always thought about this day; you and me on a date. Now it feels…”

“If I would be honest, I felt the same.” Her hands touched Abel’s.

“I know I should be happy, but this doesn’t feel right.”

What was he doing? Did I break him completely? What have I done?

“I am still in love with Felicia; even if she is no more. The truth is I miss her. She understood me more than me, and when she was with me, I didn’t realize that. I made her look like she broke up with me when I planned the whole thing to make her leave me. Just a few minutes after the breakup, the accident happened. She was crying. As she crossed the road, a car came in and hit her. The moment I lost her, I felt guilty. I killed her. I didn’t realize that I loved her lot, but now what is the use? She is long gone.”

“No, she isn’t.” I was so angry as I heard it. Abel got confused on sensing an angry tone from Emily.

“Now, I remember everything clearly. All those days I spend in Hell in guilt feeling I broke your heart. The truth was you broke mine. You were my best friend Abel, and I loved you.”

“Felicia? How? I… I don’t understand.”

“I am Felicia. I chose Emily to be my vessel to make you believe in love again. They played me. They wanted me to know I wasn’t the reason, after all. I thought… I broke your heart, but the truth was different. They wanted to fix my heart and let me know I shouldn’t be guilty of anything.”

“Felicia, I am sorry. I think about you every day. I wish if I realized that earlier.”

“What’s the use now Abel? I am dead, and even if I were alive, I would pass.”

I had so much anger in me, but that was useless. I realized that I put myself in Hell for torture. To begin with, I didn’t break his heart, so my mission is complete. I now know the truth, and I don’t belong here anymore. even though he hurt me, I didn’t want him to end up in Hell like me; he must forgive himself. I sighed,

“You need to forgive yourself and move on Abel. I forgive you. Now that you have Emily start anew. She loves you very much. Please don’t make the same mistakes with her. It’s time. I must go.”

I wrote down a note for Emily asking forgiveness hoping she would forgive me and wished her good luck and handed it to Abel. I didn’t dare to say goodbye to her personally.

Finally, I am where I am supposed to be. Not in heaven but a better place than Hell and I realize that sometimes it is us, our thoughts which decides what’s better for us. Occasionally even a pang of little guilt in our mind can send us to Hell, and it’s not the devil who torture us, but the memories. 

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