Promises

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“Promise me nothing.”

“What?” He stares into her eyes not knowing what she is trying to say.

“Promise me you promise me nothing.”

“Why would I promise you that?”

“So, that it would hurt less when you actually leave…” She doesn’t look at him this time.

“Why do you think I am gonna leave?”

She takes a deep breath, “It’s not you but… I am scared… I am scared that I might end up loving you more than I should have. Like all the relationships after the initial “honeymoon phase,” you would start to notice how annoying and clingy I am. Or that you would start to get mad at how I overthink tiny things, ‘cause that’s who I am. I think about all the hypothetical situations that could harm our relationship and end up trying to make it perfect. Or the worse that you would know how insecure I am about how I speak or smile or talk or how I look. Or that you would ask me to stop being sensitive because I am sensitive and my mood changes as if it’s managed by someone on a remote. Or that you would say I am doing this to get attention, and nobody actually is this sensitive or introverted. Or that you wouldn’t understand why I am in a certain way with certain people or why I do what I do. Or that you wouldn’t understand how much I actually care about you ‘cause I am very bad at expressing myself. I don’t know whether what I am expressing is love or not. Or that you would end up with regrets for choosing me. Or that you would start looking for someone else instead. I could be a package of multiple personalities sometimes; hyperactive and boring at the same time. You might find it difficult to handle me.

It’s that I was promised a paradise once and I believed. But it left me with a broken heart, and I cannot handle another and end up hating myself all over again. So, promise me nothing. Do you know what’s worse than breakups? Not knowing that the relationship was dead a long time back and realising that you were watering a dead plant. So, let’s promise nothing to each other.”

After listening to her, he was silent for some time.

Before he could speak, she spoke again, “I know what you are thinking. If you want to leave you can leave now.”

He laughed out loud this time, “Actually no, I am not gonna leave. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“But…”

“No, nothing…”

“So? Promise me nothing?”

“I promise you everything.”

“No… I said promise me nothing.”

“You promise me nothing… but I promise you everything. My promise to you is mine to decide.”

“But…”

“I am not listening… Let’s try out this new dish I saw on Instagram today.”

“…”

She smiled a little too wide and said, “Okay.”

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